Ask FCB 1: Butter

Dear Fatty Cookbook,

For some reason sticks of butter just don't seem to be big enough anymore. I've never had this problem before so you're going to have to HELP! Seriously, is it just me or are they getting smaller? Is it this crazy weather we've been having? I hear it's an El Nino. Maybe it's this sluggish economy. Or maybe it has to do with the Hadron Collider because I never noticed until the past few months-- you know right around when they turned it on and I started shopping off-brand at a different grocery story. Or maybe it's just because I used to buy the big one pound blocks of butter to pinch pennies, and this is what they look like all wrapped up.

Sincerely,
I Got To Make A Pie With This Stuff And I Don't Want A Fluffy Crust


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Dear Gotta-Makea-Pie,

I do not recommend NOT buying the one pound blocks of butter. It's true they are cheaper and last longer than your standard 8 tbsp sticks, but they make a great conversation piece and are easy to sculpt in classy, classy ways. Also, I am not entirely sure that El Nino would affect (effect? oh, no, I got that right the first time) butter size. The LHC is more probable, as it may be creating small black holes over in Switzerland that are falling through the Earth's mantle and settling near the dairy counters of Food Lion in Culver City.

The stick of butter you are holding looks to be a Western-pack. As you are my close, personal friend, I know you spent the first 23 years of your life East of the Rocky Mountains. Most sticks of butter on this side are Elgin sticks (8 tablespoons, 1/4 lbs., 4.75" x 1.25") a size first developed by the Elgin Butter Company in 1882. Elgin sticks are sold 4 to a box in rectangular boxes, and then Land-O-Lakes created the half-stick and everything went crazy. The Western-pack (3.25" x 1.5") is sold two by two in cube shaped boxes, and was mainly developed by the kind of people who decided to "go West" and build square houses and draw square states.

There is actually a real link you can follow to read about the varying shapes of butter sticks. It's right here. For real.

Don't forget to add graham cracker crumbs for crunch on the bottom!

-Colleen-marie