Easiest Biscuits

So I'm  flat broke and making my finest batch of "whatever is left in the house." We had chicken, peas, creamed corn, gravy mix... Chicken pot pie! Or course. But we had a distinct lack of eggs, and milk, and I needed biscuits...

1 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3 tbsp oil
1/3 cup water

Preheat oven to 450.
Mix all ingredients, and turn out on a floured surface. Knead slightly, and roll to 1/4 inch thickness.
Stamp out biscuits, I used the top of a mason jar, and arrange on a cookie sheet. Bake about 10 minutes.

Ta da!

Ask FCB: Self-rising?

Dear FCB:
What's the deal with all these kinds of flour? Enriched, self-rising, unbleached, I mean, what the hell?
Sincerely,
Your kitchen cabinet.

So I was making beer bread. I was serving spaghetti and meat sauce, so I threw in a loaf of garlic bread to round out the starch overload. Beer bread is sort of one of those things that doesn't have a recipe. Roughly 3 to 4 cups sifted flour, 12oz of Beer brand Beer, in the oven for an hour at 375-400 or something. Nothing special, just a simple bread you don't need to let rise or measure or touch too much. But there is this thing: if you use non-alcoholic beer, throw in a package of active yeast. If you don't use self-rising flour, add about a teaspoon of baking powder. This way you end up with bread instead of a giant doughy brick.
I grabbed whatever flour was closest to the front of the shelf and spooned out an amount I measured to  be "enough." Dumped in a can of Milwaukee's Best Light, all three words of which are a total lie. Then I popped that sucker in the oven and made some hummus and toast for an appetizer. I know right? Anyway, forty minutes later I check the oven and see a half-risen, golden-brown and spongy wad of failure. Seriously, Colleen-marie? You really couldn't be bothered to read the bag? No, I couldn't.
If this happens to you, here's a pro tip: break the bread in the kitchen and pile it all on a plate. Set the softest bits back in the cooling oven to crisp up a bit before serving. Now the guests won't have to tear up the bread themselves, and you won't have to make some stupid quip about your baking skills not rising to the occasion.

Banana Oatmeal Bread

-----



2 eggs
4 tbsp butter
1 ½ cups mashed bananas

--

1 ½ cups white sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground nutmeg

--

3 cups flour
1 cup quick oatmeal

--

½ cups apple sauce
2 tsp vanilla
¼ cup milk



In three separate bowls, whisk the two eggs, soften or melt the butter, and mash the bananas. We're working under the assumption that you either bought bananas last week and forgot about them, or bought bananas last week with the purpose of letting them get soft and mushy to make banana bread. A wooden spoon should work just fine.

Combine all wet ingredients (bananas, eggs, butter, milk, applesauce, vanilla) and whisk together.



Combine sugars, salt, nutmeg, baking powder and soda into a small bowl and blend well. Try to break up any big clumps of brown sugar, but don't make a big deal out of it.

In your big mixing bowl, add your oats and flour. Mix in your dry ingredients and blend. Stir in your wet ingredients a about a third at a time, mixing with a rubber spatula. Remember to scrape the bottom and sides! It should result in a very wet dough, more like cake batter than bready.




I made little cupcakes with this batch, but it works really well in a bread or cake pan. Makes 18 cupcakes, one 9x11 cake, or two 5x9 loaves. These suckers will stick to anything, so if you're not absolutely sure of your pan's non-stick properties, use Pam.



The cupcakes did well in 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Time is really relative with this recipe, so I can't tell you how long the cake might take. The bread should be spongy, it should bounce back when pressed, and be golden brown on top. Cover the bread with a dish towel for about 15 minutes while it cools, this helps keep it moist.



And it should be delicious.

Cheese and Garlic Beer Biscuits

4 cups of biscuit mix (I use Bisquick)
1/4 cup of sugar
12 ounces (1 can) of beer (Any old kind will do, but go for a lighter color. Miller High Life usually works wonders).
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 stick of unsalted butter, melted.
1 tbsp of garlic salt


Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Mix sugar, cheese, and biscuit mix together. Slowly add in 2 tbsp of butter, and the full can of beer. Pour the batter into a really well greased muffin pan. Bake 15-20 minutes.

Mix the remaining butter with the garlic salt. Brush over biscuits as soon as they come out of the oven. Eat immediately.

Pizza dough

About 1 1/2 cups of flour, one package of dry yeast, 1tsp of salt, mix together. Add 1 cup of warm water and 2 tbsp of vegetable oil. If you're lazy, do this in a standing mixer. I use a wooden spoon. Slowly mix in 1 to 1 1/2 more cups of flour. Roll out on to a floured surface to knead. Slowly work in more flour until the dough is elastic.
* Mix in parsley and red pepper flakes for a little kick.

Cover the dough with a warm, wet cloth and let rest for 10 minutes. Divided in two, this can make 2 12in pizzas. Roll each half to a circle and place on a greased pizza pan. Bake at 450 for 10 minutes.

Melt 4tbsp of butter, mix in 2tsp of garlic powder. Brush along the edges of the pizza crust.

Bonus:
Bursh crush with Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Top pizza crust with minced tomatoes, red onion, cilantro, and chopped black olives.
Grilled chicken (seasoned with paprika)
Mozzarella and parmesan cheese